M'aimer, me detester
Friday, January 02 2009
7.56pm
Love me,hate me.
He gently placed the ipod shuffle in my hand like an undying love pledge. Technology is a strange way of getting to know one another’s taste. Instead of listerning to music together, you pass them ipods which reveal bits of information about the other party. Flowers bought off the internet and posted to my office, emails and sms exchanges. Imagine a world lost in tehcnicolour blandness, gentle robotic monotonic whispers of declarations of desires. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak….Thus the new modern pre-coital courtship.
I woke up one morning sometime in the last 2 years to realize that I fu$%ing suck at Love. And the new world technology hasn’t made it easier. Like the interface between Windows and Mac, ‘Love’ is a mastery of liking and hating.
The main problem is that I’m in and I’m out. I’m for and against. I care too much but wish I’d rather not give a damn S%^t. I’m the cool thin gal in skinny jeans, 3 inch heals, chain smoking slims, slugging strawberries daiquiris who’s also the fat gal who would rather walk out of the house in sweatpants and pimple cream. I like contrast. I like being in love but I like being out of love as well. I like capturing images, making evidence of a moment, but I am terrified of someone taking pictures of me, like someone nailed me down to a jpeg.
I hate definition. Its as scary as settling into a life of predictable normality. Normality is like stillness. Deadness. Soundlessness. Just like some of us almost like being depressed and lost in a sea of blue. The truth is,good gals like bad boys. But am I a good gal? What good is the flesh when the mind is unwilling…I like to be with people who inspire me. My main inspiration are people down in the dumps, especially people who have struggled and made it through to the other side. I prefer gnawing questions, existence of a maker, death and purpose of life. As hard as it is, sometimes, I prefer suffering.
Mum said, that whatever I do, as long as I keep doing the right thing, everything will be alright. This year, despite all odds in my path aready, without fail, I’ll wake up, try my best and then fall asleep. If anything, waking and sleeping are still different, aren’t they?
Happy New Year!
Lots of hugz and kisses,
L aka CJ
On Player_Harvest_By Dragon Ash
7.56pm
Love me,hate me.
He gently placed the ipod shuffle in my hand like an undying love pledge. Technology is a strange way of getting to know one another’s taste. Instead of listerning to music together, you pass them ipods which reveal bits of information about the other party. Flowers bought off the internet and posted to my office, emails and sms exchanges. Imagine a world lost in tehcnicolour blandness, gentle robotic monotonic whispers of declarations of desires. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak….Thus the new modern pre-coital courtship.
I woke up one morning sometime in the last 2 years to realize that I fu$%ing suck at Love. And the new world technology hasn’t made it easier. Like the interface between Windows and Mac, ‘Love’ is a mastery of liking and hating.
The main problem is that I’m in and I’m out. I’m for and against. I care too much but wish I’d rather not give a damn S%^t. I’m the cool thin gal in skinny jeans, 3 inch heals, chain smoking slims, slugging strawberries daiquiris who’s also the fat gal who would rather walk out of the house in sweatpants and pimple cream. I like contrast. I like being in love but I like being out of love as well. I like capturing images, making evidence of a moment, but I am terrified of someone taking pictures of me, like someone nailed me down to a jpeg.
I hate definition. Its as scary as settling into a life of predictable normality. Normality is like stillness. Deadness. Soundlessness. Just like some of us almost like being depressed and lost in a sea of blue. The truth is,good gals like bad boys. But am I a good gal? What good is the flesh when the mind is unwilling…I like to be with people who inspire me. My main inspiration are people down in the dumps, especially people who have struggled and made it through to the other side. I prefer gnawing questions, existence of a maker, death and purpose of life. As hard as it is, sometimes, I prefer suffering.
Mum said, that whatever I do, as long as I keep doing the right thing, everything will be alright. This year, despite all odds in my path aready, without fail, I’ll wake up, try my best and then fall asleep. If anything, waking and sleeping are still different, aren’t they?
Happy New Year!
Lots of hugz and kisses,
L aka CJ
On Player_Harvest_By Dragon Ash
posted by Cloudjuice at 7:16 pm
3 Comments:
Emm, sounds like someone’s fallen for you, but you’re not too sure. Your Jan blog smells of cold detachment, almost to the point where you feel like you’re in a land that you don’t belong, but long for something more –something that means more perhaps… I guarantee you don’t suck a love, no one does, it’s just the situation you’re feeling forced into.
Some of your Flickr photographs are something else –focus and further these rather than worrying about ‘technicolour blandness’
Any idea how credit crunch affected porn?
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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