Post Halloween Perspectives II
Last weekend, Flat mate LP was in Venice and so Flat mate HL and I set out on our mini-adventure to the mega store to return the antenna which hasn’t done anything to improve our appalling TV reception. The good thing about London is that most shops are flexible and have a 30 day return policy for goods sold. I bet you could return just about anything from a rubber band to a Jacuzzi without undergoing a 1st degree interrogation.
In the last 4 months, I have not sat down to watch decent TV which doesn’t give me double vision after 5 seconds. And even though I have pretty much given up on TV and the fact that our TV set will ever be resuscitated, there still never seems to be enough time for everything else I need to do, including this blog entry which was suppose to be from 2 weeks back.
About 3 months ago, in my note book entry for Sunday, 13 August 2006, I wrote down the things that I hoped to achieve this year:
1. XXXXXX XXX
2. Memorize all the Cities on the Map of the Europe
3. Travel to XXXX,XXXXXXXX, XXXXX and around United Kingdom
4. Finish reading The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus
5. Start and finish The History of the World
6. Work related – XXXXXX XX XXXX
7. Work related – XXXXX XXXXXX
8. People related – XXXXX XX XXX XX XXXX XXXXX
9. Character related – XXXXX XXXX, XXXXX XXX XXXX XXXXXXXX
10. Bake the Ultimate Chocolate Cake
Evaluating this now, I am embarrassed to admit that I have failed in almost all aspects.
1. Tried but failed…so far
2. Started and located Santander, Lyon, Salzburg, Frankfurt and Cartagena on the map from my List of The 50 Best Cheap Getaways but went into perpetual sleep mode after 3 nights.
3. Varying degrees of success depending on how you look at it (excuses) although the pace is much slower then I though I could achieve them.
4. Started and Stopped.
5. Didn’t get down to even opening the cover.
6 and 7 are work related, no comment
8 is people related, no comment
9 is me related, even more so no further comment
10. Ate quite a few on the pretext of sussing out the competition but other wise haven’t even gotton down to getting a mixer or measuring scale.
Back to the point of this whole blog entry gathered from my conversations with Friday friend, KT after a particularly vicious day at work. Two important points he made to me, firstly, if I made a mistake or got a dart thrown at me, I shouldn’t continue being a walking dart board but pluck the dart out, evaluate why it happened and make sure it doesnt happen again. That is what learning is about. The second important point he made to me was that I could probably make lots of list and build as many dreamy castles about conquering the universe as I could but those lists didn’t matter as much as the things that I had managed to achieve outside of that list. Things which I hadn’t even counted on achieving.
A week ago, my estranged grandmother fractured her hip after slipping off the sofa, requiring immediate life endangering potential comatose state operation (and my mama was not able to explain why a hip operation had so many complications even though I think near-century age, high blood pressure and diabetes must have played some role.) Her accident has propelled our family into further debt of her already astronomical upkeep, but I feel that at least I can do my part. I am living entirely by my own means now, paying my own rent, still paying off school loans back home, insurances, taxes in two countries and hopefully doing my part for the family. It didn’t seem so much of a big deal then, neither was it apparent when I lived at home that Gas, Water, Electricity cost human beings money or that toilet paper didn’t grow out of cupboards. I may have been a grown adult but in actual fact, I was still a kid living off my parents who deserved a break from paying for 6 years of my tracing paper and balsa wood.
At times I seem to have taken steps back in the career zone but I am trying to see this step back as 3 steps up when I am ready to take the next step. I just have to remind myself that I have to be patient. The semi-invincible still need to brave the battlefields of tornados and well, darts, to achieve the extinction of desire and individual consciousness and that ultimate nirvana i.e. be whipped like a slave but still grit your teeth and continue pulling the plough but dream of freedom everyday till it comes. Which it will.
And well, there is London. Every weekend when I take my walks in the park, I am in awe of the beauty that exists in this world. I remember a letter I wrote to someone before I came to London. In it, I said I wanted to go to a place and lie down on grass that is not perennially wet. And I have actually done that, Ikea picnic mat non-withstanding.
Lastly there are little things about me. I recently rekindled my love affair with The Album Leaf after buying one of their albums a year ago when I heard one of their songs in the sickly sweet compilation of music from The OC. Its ok that I don’t like Damien Rice or don’t know popular song titles. W thinks ambient alternative indie folk/ rock is complicated. Sure,The Album Leaf, Couch, Mum, Mutemath, The Brian Jonestown Massacre and Portastatic don’t sound like band names but its my genre of music and its ok. Its ok to be complicated.
Essentially I know there are some things about myself that I can never change i.e. my nose still starts to drip when I take spicy food and I have bad (bad) (in all forms of the word bad) flatulence when I take excessive lactose based products but I am not about to jump onto the tracks just because of my atomic gas or that I failed my top 10 list.
Sometimes perspectives need to be negotiated and changed along the way, you give and take, you walk under glowing autumn shades and you weld your sword through the dark dungeon of monsters in the underground all on the same day. For now, I think I will trade the Title of Chocolate Cake Queen for the girl who likes peanut snickers bars.
Didn’t think I would ever wear one, but I got a half beanie cap from Covent Garden yesterday! And it wasn’t even on my list of essential ‘To Get’ items.
Lastly, I would like to announce that we successfully returned the antenna, but brought home a Christmas Tree instead. You think, maybe we could return that when we are done too?
On Player_’Prozac Vs Heroin’_By The Brian Jonestown Massacre
In the last 4 months, I have not sat down to watch decent TV which doesn’t give me double vision after 5 seconds. And even though I have pretty much given up on TV and the fact that our TV set will ever be resuscitated, there still never seems to be enough time for everything else I need to do, including this blog entry which was suppose to be from 2 weeks back.
About 3 months ago, in my note book entry for Sunday, 13 August 2006, I wrote down the things that I hoped to achieve this year:
1. XXXXXX XXX
2. Memorize all the Cities on the Map of the Europe
3. Travel to XXXX,XXXXXXXX, XXXXX and around United Kingdom
4. Finish reading The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus
5. Start and finish The History of the World
6. Work related – XXXXXX XX XXXX
7. Work related – XXXXX XXXXXX
8. People related – XXXXX XX XXX XX XXXX XXXXX
9. Character related – XXXXX XXXX, XXXXX XXX XXXX XXXXXXXX
10. Bake the Ultimate Chocolate Cake
Evaluating this now, I am embarrassed to admit that I have failed in almost all aspects.
1. Tried but failed…so far
2. Started and located Santander, Lyon, Salzburg, Frankfurt and Cartagena on the map from my List of The 50 Best Cheap Getaways but went into perpetual sleep mode after 3 nights.
3. Varying degrees of success depending on how you look at it (excuses) although the pace is much slower then I though I could achieve them.
4. Started and Stopped.
5. Didn’t get down to even opening the cover.
6 and 7 are work related, no comment
8 is people related, no comment
9 is me related, even more so no further comment
10. Ate quite a few on the pretext of sussing out the competition but other wise haven’t even gotton down to getting a mixer or measuring scale.
Back to the point of this whole blog entry gathered from my conversations with Friday friend, KT after a particularly vicious day at work. Two important points he made to me, firstly, if I made a mistake or got a dart thrown at me, I shouldn’t continue being a walking dart board but pluck the dart out, evaluate why it happened and make sure it doesnt happen again. That is what learning is about. The second important point he made to me was that I could probably make lots of list and build as many dreamy castles about conquering the universe as I could but those lists didn’t matter as much as the things that I had managed to achieve outside of that list. Things which I hadn’t even counted on achieving.
A week ago, my estranged grandmother fractured her hip after slipping off the sofa, requiring immediate life endangering potential comatose state operation (and my mama was not able to explain why a hip operation had so many complications even though I think near-century age, high blood pressure and diabetes must have played some role.) Her accident has propelled our family into further debt of her already astronomical upkeep, but I feel that at least I can do my part. I am living entirely by my own means now, paying my own rent, still paying off school loans back home, insurances, taxes in two countries and hopefully doing my part for the family. It didn’t seem so much of a big deal then, neither was it apparent when I lived at home that Gas, Water, Electricity cost human beings money or that toilet paper didn’t grow out of cupboards. I may have been a grown adult but in actual fact, I was still a kid living off my parents who deserved a break from paying for 6 years of my tracing paper and balsa wood.
At times I seem to have taken steps back in the career zone but I am trying to see this step back as 3 steps up when I am ready to take the next step. I just have to remind myself that I have to be patient. The semi-invincible still need to brave the battlefields of tornados and well, darts, to achieve the extinction of desire and individual consciousness and that ultimate nirvana i.e. be whipped like a slave but still grit your teeth and continue pulling the plough but dream of freedom everyday till it comes. Which it will.
And well, there is London. Every weekend when I take my walks in the park, I am in awe of the beauty that exists in this world. I remember a letter I wrote to someone before I came to London. In it, I said I wanted to go to a place and lie down on grass that is not perennially wet. And I have actually done that, Ikea picnic mat non-withstanding.
Lastly there are little things about me. I recently rekindled my love affair with The Album Leaf after buying one of their albums a year ago when I heard one of their songs in the sickly sweet compilation of music from The OC. Its ok that I don’t like Damien Rice or don’t know popular song titles. W thinks ambient alternative indie folk/ rock is complicated. Sure,The Album Leaf, Couch, Mum, Mutemath, The Brian Jonestown Massacre and Portastatic don’t sound like band names but its my genre of music and its ok. Its ok to be complicated.
Essentially I know there are some things about myself that I can never change i.e. my nose still starts to drip when I take spicy food and I have bad (bad) (in all forms of the word bad) flatulence when I take excessive lactose based products but I am not about to jump onto the tracks just because of my atomic gas or that I failed my top 10 list.
Sometimes perspectives need to be negotiated and changed along the way, you give and take, you walk under glowing autumn shades and you weld your sword through the dark dungeon of monsters in the underground all on the same day. For now, I think I will trade the Title of Chocolate Cake Queen for the girl who likes peanut snickers bars.
Didn’t think I would ever wear one, but I got a half beanie cap from Covent Garden yesterday! And it wasn’t even on my list of essential ‘To Get’ items.
Lastly, I would like to announce that we successfully returned the antenna, but brought home a Christmas Tree instead. You think, maybe we could return that when we are done too?
On Player_’Prozac Vs Heroin’_By The Brian Jonestown Massacre
posted by Cloudjuice at 12:26 am
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