Monday, April 07, 2008

Reset



Sunday, 6 April 2008
10.58pm

My insouciance scares me sometimes. I mean, I called my mum today. The once a week 2 minute batter where I try to avoid topics of drinking enough water, getting enough sleep and eating my vegetables. Things were a little bit more spirited this week. I can just imagine... Dad does his weekend walk with our dog, comes home and has his afternoon nap after lunch with the Saturday newspaper over his chest on his favourite reclining chair. Apparently this week, he had his massage mat on his chair, on high mode I must add. After a while, ok, a long while, my mum walks pass and notices that my dad has blood oozing out of his eyeballs. This follows an evening trip to the accident and emergency where it appears dad has burst some blood vessels in his eyes ( from over stimulation from a massage mat…ok, I didn’t say that, neither did the doctor but mum did…). Dad’s ok, other then a big headache (I would if I had blood oozing out of my eyeballs, in fact, the thought of it hurts bad too) and a week of medical leave. Scarier than that was when I heard this, I couldn’t help laughing. I mean, is this normal? Your dad is weeping blood out of his eyes and all you can do is laugh……? Sorry dad, I’ll give you a call tomorrow (muffled laugh).

Its been a really strange day. I haven’t written in my blog for eight months, but I suddenly felt a great compulsion to, just like my recent unexplainable urge to eat cranberry and bran bagels with blueberry conserve. The fact that I still have urges and very specific ones, I hope that means I’m not really as indifferent as I thought.

As I was saying, it’s been a really strange day. This morning, the Olympic torch passed by my home with Tibetan protestors in tow. I finally managed to catch the Deutsche Borse Photography Prize 2008 exhibition at The Photographer’s Gallery still with a few Tibetan demonstrators in tow all the way into town. The exhibition was an incredible depiction of history, of cities, of cultures and of lives. I also read in The Guardian about the 1968, March 17th demonstration against the war in Vietnam at Grosvenor Square, London. John Lennon and Mick Jagger were at the demonstration. It wasn’t another decade before I was actually born on that very same day. I understood what I was reading and seeing today. Yet, I felt very little for it. Only that I wished I felt more for it. I mean, have you ever asked yourself what your contribution to this world is?

I bought an antique pocket watch from Portobello market a couple of weeks ago. It's probably not antique but I don’t care. D tells me everyone should have an object which they carry around with them which reminds them of all the good things in their lives. So whenever something bad happens I'm suppose to take it out and remember the good things. At first, I dismissed it for pyschobabel, at least until he took out a yellow stone from his pocket. Yeh, the dude always carries a rock in his pocket, so I guess he really wasn’t fluffing around with me. A week later, I started wearing that pocket watch around my neck. It's funny that I chose a watch as my object cause every time I look at it ticking away. It scares the S$%^ out of me instead of soothing my nerves. In the following weeks that passed, I’ve tried to reset my subconscious. Not my conscious but my subconscious. As the psychobabel high priest D says, its what the subconscious believes that truly matters. Its what the subconscious wills the mind to believe that empowers us. Something like if you believe hard enough that your B cup will grow into a C cup, it will. We believe what we will or think we believe, but seriously, how much do we believe what we believe and how deeply do we really believe what we think we are believing. Was it love, was it really love? Was this what you really wanted or thought yourself into thinking you wanted? It was just too hard for me though. Too taxing on my subconscious, so I went into what seemed the easier solution - indifference. Or so I thought I did…..

Yeh, its been a really strange day. Did I mention that it snowed in London today. At the beginning of April. My subconscious was so powerful, it made that happen too.

On Player_Reset_By Mute Math